I think I figured out the answer to many of the questions regarding Greg Oden. Very Curious indeed.
…he’s aging in reverse.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Scuba's IcyHOT! and Not-So-Hot NBA Lists
I’ve had top ten lists on the brain lately. Watching different games around the NBA has brought me to the conclusion that there are players that bring out three different types of emotions within me. Good emotions, bad emotions, and indifference. With that in mind I’ve come up with two lists of my top ten NBA players. The good and the bad. I can’t make a top ten list of indifferent players because they’re all indifferent to me.
Top Ten List signifies the tippity-topness of the NBA's elite according to Yours Truly. – These are the guys I love to watch. They're getting paid ridiculous amounts of money and earning every penny. Give them a raise!!! Bottom Ten list is full of Scuba's pretenders, prima donas, and the disgraceful. Enjoy.
Top Ten (In no order)
1.D-Will - Amazing. He makes me proud to be a Jazz fan.
2.LeBron - No question. This man could make any team great.
3.Kobe - Rapist or not, he is the best player in the entire association.
4.Andre Igoudala - I don't know how many people are actually big fans of the real AI but his is top tier in my opinion.
5.Monta Ellis - Always been a big fan of Mon-tay. Stud on the court.
6.CP3 - Amazing, amazing, amazing. Reminds me of me. j/k
7.Devin Harris - Freakishly fast.
8.Dwight Howard - Imagine Karl Malone jumping high enough to touch the top of the backboard. 9.KG - Domination from dedication
10.Derrick Rose - Very impressive. I'm more a fan of his game than he himself.
Bottom Ten (In no order)
1.Caron Butler - I see this guy on the TV and I want to throw my ottoman through a wall.
2.Gilbert Arenas (Ov-ver-rate-ted Clap, clap, clapclapclap)
3.David West - Never been impressed.
4.CJ Miles - Still waiting for him to start earning his 15mill. I shouldn't hold my breath though.
5.Nate Robinson - This guy's attitude screams "I'm a Chump" every time he's on the court. The dunk contest cemented my opnion of him.
6.Sasha Pavlovic - Coattails.
7.Tony Parker - Flopper
8.Jason Kapono - I'm not sure what it is about him that I don't' think I'm the only person that would like to punch him in the face.
9.Eddie House - His game is very "Churchball".
10.Carmelo Anthony - Flopper and a crybaby.
All are welcome and invited to disagree in the comments section. I'll think you're wrong for disagreeing but you're welcome to nonetheless.
Top Ten List signifies the tippity-topness of the NBA's elite according to Yours Truly. – These are the guys I love to watch. They're getting paid ridiculous amounts of money and earning every penny. Give them a raise!!! Bottom Ten list is full of Scuba's pretenders, prima donas, and the disgraceful. Enjoy.
Top Ten (In no order)
1.D-Will - Amazing. He makes me proud to be a Jazz fan.
2.LeBron - No question. This man could make any team great.
3.Kobe - Rapist or not, he is the best player in the entire association.
4.Andre Igoudala - I don't know how many people are actually big fans of the real AI but his is top tier in my opinion.
5.Monta Ellis - Always been a big fan of Mon-tay. Stud on the court.
6.CP3 - Amazing, amazing, amazing. Reminds me of me. j/k
7.Devin Harris - Freakishly fast.
8.Dwight Howard - Imagine Karl Malone jumping high enough to touch the top of the backboard. 9.KG - Domination from dedication
10.Derrick Rose - Very impressive. I'm more a fan of his game than he himself.
Bottom Ten (In no order)
1.Caron Butler - I see this guy on the TV and I want to throw my ottoman through a wall.
2.Gilbert Arenas (Ov-ver-rate-ted Clap, clap, clapclapclap)
3.David West - Never been impressed.
4.CJ Miles - Still waiting for him to start earning his 15mill. I shouldn't hold my breath though.
5.Nate Robinson - This guy's attitude screams "I'm a Chump" every time he's on the court. The dunk contest cemented my opnion of him.
6.Sasha Pavlovic - Coattails.
7.Tony Parker - Flopper
8.Jason Kapono - I'm not sure what it is about him that I don't' think I'm the only person that would like to punch him in the face.
9.Eddie House - His game is very "Churchball".
10.Carmelo Anthony - Flopper and a crybaby.
All are welcome and invited to disagree in the comments section. I'll think you're wrong for disagreeing but you're welcome to nonetheless.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Jazz Fans: Take a memo from Memo
Over the past couple of years I have observed an interesting charicteristic of Mehmet Okur. It's been commented about in the media as well. The trait being that emotionally, Mehmet Okur never gets too high or too low at any point in time during his NBA career. The outcome of the games affect him but not to any one extreem.
I think the ruthless fans in this What-Have-You-Done-For-Me-In-The-Last-Two-Seconds Town should take a page or two out of Memo's book and just relax a litle bit. Don't get too hyped up or too wiped out. This goes for the media as well. I remember before the seaon started and David Locke and all his KFAN girlfriends were predicting the Jazz's season for this year and they hyped the Jazz so high up that anything less than a championship is an utter disaster of a season.
Let's all just take a few deep breaths, relax, and enjoy the season. Sleep sound when they win but don't start planning the victory parade or heating up the bronze for another statue. When they lose...well, you can be upset but you might want to think twice before jumping out of your bedroom window. It might provide your neighbors with some good entertainment and your doctor with some itinerary, but it won't overturn the defeat.
Jazz fans, take a memo from Memo and just accept this Tiny Tim of a team for what they are and you'll see that they're fairly constant. Pluggin' along. For every unexpected loss, they usually have an unexpected win and when it comes playoff time they'll be in the playoff picture.
Last thing, (for crying out loud) stop calling in to the radio stations to nitpick after every single loss. Recognize that for every one of you callers there are 100,000 listeners rolling their eyes on the way into work. Stop doing it! It's annoying.
Memo, you the man. Thanks for the example.
I think the ruthless fans in this What-Have-You-Done-For-Me-In-The-Last-Two-Seconds Town should take a page or two out of Memo's book and just relax a litle bit. Don't get too hyped up or too wiped out. This goes for the media as well. I remember before the seaon started and David Locke and all his KFAN girlfriends were predicting the Jazz's season for this year and they hyped the Jazz so high up that anything less than a championship is an utter disaster of a season.
Let's all just take a few deep breaths, relax, and enjoy the season. Sleep sound when they win but don't start planning the victory parade or heating up the bronze for another statue. When they lose...well, you can be upset but you might want to think twice before jumping out of your bedroom window. It might provide your neighbors with some good entertainment and your doctor with some itinerary, but it won't overturn the defeat.
Jazz fans, take a memo from Memo and just accept this Tiny Tim of a team for what they are and you'll see that they're fairly constant. Pluggin' along. For every unexpected loss, they usually have an unexpected win and when it comes playoff time they'll be in the playoff picture.
Last thing, (for crying out loud) stop calling in to the radio stations to nitpick after every single loss. Recognize that for every one of you callers there are 100,000 listeners rolling their eyes on the way into work. Stop doing it! It's annoying.
Memo, you the man. Thanks for the example.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Ode to Joy
Close your eyes and imagine with me for a moment that you are driving down the freeway. You are maintaining a safe speed and are alert with both hands on the wheel. Suddenly a reckless vehicle speeds past you at 100 mph weaving in and out of lanes like some doped-up Frogger getting paid on lane-change commission.
A few thoughts and feelings pass through your body all at the same time. Anger: "That idiot's going to kill himself and someone else!!". Fear: "Get out of his way!". My personal favorite, Rage: You say under your breath all the soft explitives you can think of including "Piece of Crap Chump Sauce". Along with those feelings there’s also a feeling deep down that longs for justice to be paid out. “Statistics are going to catch up with that guy and he’s going to end up in the hospital”.
Okay now imagine driving a few more miles to find the car pulled over while a highway patrol officer issues him a speeding ticket. What a satisfying feeling that is. Or imagine catching up to the car a few miles down the road only to find that the vehicle was in a horrendous rollover accident. Satisfaction suddenly turns to regret, remorse, and concern for the reckless driver and those involved.
Now open your eyes…(congratulations on reading with your eyes closed). This illustration was to help the readers and the media understand the feelings they have for the Dallas Cowboys. That football team, whether you like them or you hate them, demands your attention at all times. They’re flashy, they’re controversial, they aren’t the quiet Jags or Vickings slipping into NFL 08-09 oblivion.
They are the reckless driver on the freeway and everyone's eyes are on them for better for worse. Whether it be the satifcation of seeing the Pacman Pullover, or the worrying sickness of the T.O. locker room Rollover/Explosion. The Cowboys didn’t even make the playoffs and they’re still filling the all the sports airways and we're just days from the Super Bowl.
I know what you're thinking and I can just say that you may not feel the regret, remorse, and concern that I do right now, but wait until you’re yawning your way through the Steelers/Cardinals Super Bowl and you start longing to see those cool Stars that everyone loves to hate and it will hit you like a mule-kick to the groin.
Even in this most dissapointing of years, I still find it quite easy to be a Cowboys fan. It must be that one feeling that I forgot to mention earlier that the whole National Football League seems to be feeling.......Envy.
Closing Ode to My Joy
Cowboys count your casualties. Regroup, refocus, and return. The nation's eye is on you as it has been for decades. Let the star shine and sing back with a brilliant bellowing baritone blue and a majestic magical miricle that will truely land you on top. Superbowl XLIV Victors. A Lonestar atop the National Football League.
A few thoughts and feelings pass through your body all at the same time. Anger: "That idiot's going to kill himself and someone else!!". Fear: "Get out of his way!". My personal favorite, Rage: You say under your breath all the soft explitives you can think of including "Piece of Crap Chump Sauce". Along with those feelings there’s also a feeling deep down that longs for justice to be paid out. “Statistics are going to catch up with that guy and he’s going to end up in the hospital”.
Okay now imagine driving a few more miles to find the car pulled over while a highway patrol officer issues him a speeding ticket. What a satisfying feeling that is. Or imagine catching up to the car a few miles down the road only to find that the vehicle was in a horrendous rollover accident. Satisfaction suddenly turns to regret, remorse, and concern for the reckless driver and those involved.
Now open your eyes…(congratulations on reading with your eyes closed). This illustration was to help the readers and the media understand the feelings they have for the Dallas Cowboys. That football team, whether you like them or you hate them, demands your attention at all times. They’re flashy, they’re controversial, they aren’t the quiet Jags or Vickings slipping into NFL 08-09 oblivion.
They are the reckless driver on the freeway and everyone's eyes are on them for better for worse. Whether it be the satifcation of seeing the Pacman Pullover, or the worrying sickness of the T.O. locker room Rollover/Explosion. The Cowboys didn’t even make the playoffs and they’re still filling the all the sports airways and we're just days from the Super Bowl.
I know what you're thinking and I can just say that you may not feel the regret, remorse, and concern that I do right now, but wait until you’re yawning your way through the Steelers/Cardinals Super Bowl and you start longing to see those cool Stars that everyone loves to hate and it will hit you like a mule-kick to the groin.
Even in this most dissapointing of years, I still find it quite easy to be a Cowboys fan. It must be that one feeling that I forgot to mention earlier that the whole National Football League seems to be feeling.......Envy.
Closing Ode to My Joy
Cowboys count your casualties. Regroup, refocus, and return. The nation's eye is on you as it has been for decades. Let the star shine and sing back with a brilliant bellowing baritone blue and a majestic magical miricle that will truely land you on top. Superbowl XLIV Victors. A Lonestar atop the National Football League.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
To the REAL National Champs
Credit actually goes to DK Smack for finding this article, but I thought it would be nice to share with everyone. http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3815656. Nice to see some of the ESPN powers have their heads on straight.
Life of Reilly
By Rick Reilly
The Utes trampled Alabama to complete a perfect season. How are they not national champions?
Some gifts people give are pointless: Styling mousse to Dick Vitale. An all-you-can-eat card to Kate Moss. The BCS Championship given to Oklahoma or Florida.
It means nothing because the BCS has no credibility. Florida? Oklahoma? Who cares? Utah is the national champion.
The End. Roll credits.
Argue with this, please. I beg you. Find me anybody else that went undefeated. Thirteen-and-zero. Beat four ranked teams. Went to the Deep South and seal-clubbed Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. The same Alabama that was ranked No. 1 for five weeks. The same Alabama that went undefeated in the regular season. The same Alabama that Florida beat in order to get INTO the BCS Championship game in the first place.
Yeah, that's how it is now in the shameful, money-grubbing world of college football. If you're Florida and you beat Alabama, you get a seat in the title game. If you're Utah, you get a seat on your sofa.
Hey, remind me: What do they give out for one of those BCS things anyway? It's been so long since I cared. Something from Sears? This is the sixth year in the past 10 that the title has been in dispute under this cash-grab, fan-dis, monopoly that the BCS has created. Which is why the title game just doesn't matter anymore. It's like being named Miss Ogallala. Or Best Amish Electrician.
Just take a look at the teams that think they're worthy of being called national champs:
USC? Great year. Wonderful. Let's all go to SkyBar and celebrate. But it lost to Oregon State, a team Utah beat.
Texas? You think beating Ohio State by a nubby three points gets you the title? The Big Ten was 1-6 in bowl games! That's like pinning David Spade!
Florida and Oklahoma? They lost. Utah never did.
So that's it. Utah is the national champion. The Utes should probably have two now, actually. They went undefeated in 2004, too, and their coach still thinks they were the best team in the land. Smart fella named Urban Meyer. Coaches Florida now.
By the way, we're calling our title the "national" championship because it actually includes the whole nation—all 119 Division I schools—unlike the BCS, which includes 66. Yeah, the BCS somehow eliminated the middleman—the NCAA. The conferences these schools play in take their dump trucks full of cash straight from the TV networks and fairness can go suck a lemon.
The Utes won't get the trophy they really deserve, so we gave them one of our own design.
Do me a favor. Call Ohio State president Gordon Gee and ask him why he won't support a playoff. He's one of the most powerful presidents in the NCAA. He could get it done. If he says anything other than, "We don't want to share the loot" then you know he's lying his bow tie off.
"This is not how we normally do things in America," says Utah president Michael Young. "In America, quality usually wins, not conspiracy. And there's a reason people usually enter into a conspiracy. It's money. You make money doing it. And those that are in on the conspiracy want to stay in and keep everybody else out."
Sure, BCS blowhards will hand you schlock about how the college football season is like a playoff, how it's an elimination tournament every week. Really? Well, how come Florida and Oklahoma weren't eliminated with their losses? Utah ran the table, beat everybody set in front of them, including Ala-damn-bama in no less than the Sugar Bowl, and gets the bagel.
Oh, by the way? It was Utah's eighth straight bowl win, the nation's longest streak. Among the losers during that run? Let's see USC, Georgia Tech, Pittsburgh, and now the legendary Houndstooth Hats.
"What else do we have to prove?" asks Utah's magical quarterback, Brian Johnson. Good question. He and the Utes essentially whipped Alabama at home. Handed Nick Saban a garlic necklace to wear the entire off-season. Stepped on his team's neck 21-0 in the first three possessions and never looked back. Let's see. Who was it that was losing to Alabama until nearly six minutes into the fourth quarter? Oh, yeah. Florida.
What, you want the Utes to win a spelling bee? Make a prize-winning souffle? Knock up Angelina Jolie? What?
It just slays me. It really does.
Call Myles Brand, president of the asleep-at-the-wheel NCAA, and ask him if he and his greedy presidents are going to stand in defiance of president-elect Barack Obama, who wants a playoff and wants it yesterday.
Ask Brand what he's going to do if Obama starts asking the Justice Department to look into anti-trust hearings against the BCS. The Utah Attorney General has already launched an investigation into that very thing. Or ask him what he'll do if Obama asks the Department of Education to consider withholding federal funds from these schools that have entered into this secret club called the BCS. You don't think playing in the title game means millions in general-fund donations for a school? That's as unfair as anything Title IX fought against.
Until all these people do the right thing, I'll be celebrating with the true national champions—the undefeated, untied Utah Utes. (Our new slogan: Utahk about a team!)
Lemonades for everybody!
Life of Reilly
By Rick Reilly
The Utes trampled Alabama to complete a perfect season. How are they not national champions?
Some gifts people give are pointless: Styling mousse to Dick Vitale. An all-you-can-eat card to Kate Moss. The BCS Championship given to Oklahoma or Florida.
It means nothing because the BCS has no credibility. Florida? Oklahoma? Who cares? Utah is the national champion.
The End. Roll credits.
Argue with this, please. I beg you. Find me anybody else that went undefeated. Thirteen-and-zero. Beat four ranked teams. Went to the Deep South and seal-clubbed Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. The same Alabama that was ranked No. 1 for five weeks. The same Alabama that went undefeated in the regular season. The same Alabama that Florida beat in order to get INTO the BCS Championship game in the first place.
Yeah, that's how it is now in the shameful, money-grubbing world of college football. If you're Florida and you beat Alabama, you get a seat in the title game. If you're Utah, you get a seat on your sofa.
Hey, remind me: What do they give out for one of those BCS things anyway? It's been so long since I cared. Something from Sears? This is the sixth year in the past 10 that the title has been in dispute under this cash-grab, fan-dis, monopoly that the BCS has created. Which is why the title game just doesn't matter anymore. It's like being named Miss Ogallala. Or Best Amish Electrician.
Just take a look at the teams that think they're worthy of being called national champs:
USC? Great year. Wonderful. Let's all go to SkyBar and celebrate. But it lost to Oregon State, a team Utah beat.
Texas? You think beating Ohio State by a nubby three points gets you the title? The Big Ten was 1-6 in bowl games! That's like pinning David Spade!
Florida and Oklahoma? They lost. Utah never did.
So that's it. Utah is the national champion. The Utes should probably have two now, actually. They went undefeated in 2004, too, and their coach still thinks they were the best team in the land. Smart fella named Urban Meyer. Coaches Florida now.
By the way, we're calling our title the "national" championship because it actually includes the whole nation—all 119 Division I schools—unlike the BCS, which includes 66. Yeah, the BCS somehow eliminated the middleman—the NCAA. The conferences these schools play in take their dump trucks full of cash straight from the TV networks and fairness can go suck a lemon.
The Utes won't get the trophy they really deserve, so we gave them one of our own design.
Do me a favor. Call Ohio State president Gordon Gee and ask him why he won't support a playoff. He's one of the most powerful presidents in the NCAA. He could get it done. If he says anything other than, "We don't want to share the loot" then you know he's lying his bow tie off.
"This is not how we normally do things in America," says Utah president Michael Young. "In America, quality usually wins, not conspiracy. And there's a reason people usually enter into a conspiracy. It's money. You make money doing it. And those that are in on the conspiracy want to stay in and keep everybody else out."
Sure, BCS blowhards will hand you schlock about how the college football season is like a playoff, how it's an elimination tournament every week. Really? Well, how come Florida and Oklahoma weren't eliminated with their losses? Utah ran the table, beat everybody set in front of them, including Ala-damn-bama in no less than the Sugar Bowl, and gets the bagel.
Oh, by the way? It was Utah's eighth straight bowl win, the nation's longest streak. Among the losers during that run? Let's see USC, Georgia Tech, Pittsburgh, and now the legendary Houndstooth Hats.
"What else do we have to prove?" asks Utah's magical quarterback, Brian Johnson. Good question. He and the Utes essentially whipped Alabama at home. Handed Nick Saban a garlic necklace to wear the entire off-season. Stepped on his team's neck 21-0 in the first three possessions and never looked back. Let's see. Who was it that was losing to Alabama until nearly six minutes into the fourth quarter? Oh, yeah. Florida.
What, you want the Utes to win a spelling bee? Make a prize-winning souffle? Knock up Angelina Jolie? What?
It just slays me. It really does.
Call Myles Brand, president of the asleep-at-the-wheel NCAA, and ask him if he and his greedy presidents are going to stand in defiance of president-elect Barack Obama, who wants a playoff and wants it yesterday.
Ask Brand what he's going to do if Obama starts asking the Justice Department to look into anti-trust hearings against the BCS. The Utah Attorney General has already launched an investigation into that very thing. Or ask him what he'll do if Obama asks the Department of Education to consider withholding federal funds from these schools that have entered into this secret club called the BCS. You don't think playing in the title game means millions in general-fund donations for a school? That's as unfair as anything Title IX fought against.
Until all these people do the right thing, I'll be celebrating with the true national champions—the undefeated, untied Utah Utes. (Our new slogan: Utahk about a team!)
Lemonades for everybody!
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