The Jazz: A Parable of the Guacamole Six Dollar Burger

This post is in response to Banker’s post concerning the Jazz off-season moves and the discussion it provokes. I know CBAC Smack rules dictate that we respond in the comments section but I felt that my rebuke was enough of its own topic to be a separate post. I’ll start off by saying that I’m no stranger to Carl’s Jr. I’ve been a fan for quite some time and my current belt notch is probably thanks to that franchise. In my years of patronage, I’ve never had the guacamole six dollar burger. I’ve always thought it looked okay and some of my friends would get that burger every time we went there and go on and on about how good the “Guac-burger” is. Recently I had a coupon for it so I thought I’d try it. Man, I opened up that box and it looked great! Bacon, Cheese, Guac, the works. From the first bite only one thought came to my mind. GROSS. I was immediately regretting my choice of lunch. I finished that burger hoping with each bite that the choice I made would somehow get better. By the end, my stomach was reeling and my colon was very upset, almost yelling at me, for making such an ignorant choice. I have a feeling my system will be paying for that choice for awhile longer.

In my mind, this experience could be correlated to the Jazz. This off-season is like the Jazz standing in line, coupons in hand, waiting to order. The choices made could disrupt the system for many moons to come. Everyone’s talking about “Bosh for Booze”, “Get Memo out of Town”, “Lose the bigs and get some defense”, and “Blah,blah,blah”. I’m just here to say that sometimes the best change is no change. Stick with the spicy chicken or the super star. Jazz fans should be careful what they’re wishing for in being so quick to lose our “20&10” guys. If we're not careful we could be on the outside of the playoffs looking in. Loosing records haven’t ever really been part of the Jazz culture but believe me, if we’re too hasty with our coupons, we’ll most likely regret our off-season choices. I say we keep our core group of guys (except CJ – he’s always expendable) and make a go at it again next year. If Boozer gives us 4 or 5 months without injury and solid effort all will be water under the bridge and the fans will love him again. Look at AK, after the Houston series a few years ago the whole city wanted his head on a skewer. Now he’s just “Overpaid but Lovable AK”.

Keep the team. Ride out the waves and turmoil. Take the cap hit for a year and we’ll have a look at going deep in the playoffs this coming season. Hasty decisions this off-season could be more damaging to the Jazz system than the Guac-burger was to my system. Just saying…

Tuesday Conversation

So, this will be a quick thought to hopefully spur on a conversation. I was recently contemplating the quick exit from the playoffs the Jazz made this year (not bad considering we were in the Conference Finals, the second round, and then bounced in the first this season) and wondering what the future might hold for the Jazz. The team has a new president who said he likes all our players. But I, as do many of you I am sure, feel that this relationship has gone on too long with some of these players, and dare I say coaches?, and its time to cut ties and start the healing now.

That being said, of the current roster, who would you like to see go or stay and why?

I've reviewed several mock drafts and one has the Jazz drafting two point guards. The other has the Jazz drafting 6-11 PF out of Gonzaga, Austin Daye. What do you expect to see in the draft?

And of the potential free agency market, does anyone catch your eye?

Banker's Bites

Ah, I can feel the lethargy settling in like a thick fog on my brain. We’ve officially entered the doldrums of summer in the sports world. The Jazz season came to a crashing halt in Los Angeles two weeks ago and all we have left is to sit and watch while the Jazz face a reconstruction period, possibly equivalent to the size of the I-15 reconstruction pre-2002. Does Boozer opt out? Do they try to keep Millsap if Boozer stays? What about Memo, Korver, and the other five players currently in the final year of their contracts?

Football is on hold now till the end of summer. The draft is past, spring camps have opened and closed and now all we have to hold on to is how does BYU prepare to face the Big Time in OU in Jerry’s New House and how does Utah plan to maintain the same level they played at last year. Fantasy football is approaching, but you can only mock draft so many times before you want to rip your face off just to change up the monotony.

RSL is in full swing and despite Scuba Steve’s belittling of soccer on this very blog last October; I’m a big fan. (For those who may also be fans, but haven’t found where to watch the games, I’ve found them on 2.2 on the new digital channels.) But you can only hold on to so much soccer.

So what does that leave us? I’ll tell you what’s piling up on my radar screen: lots and lots of outside time. Yard work, swimming pools, park playgrounds, camping, hiking, backpacking. It’s a great thing to live in this state where we get to enjoy seasons because there is so much to do. So shake off those cobwebs, put the Jazz, the Cougars and Utes, and the rest of the I-don’t-care-who-wins-it-all NBA out of your mind and get outside and enjoy the weather.

(By the way, does anyone know of any great, lesser-known or unknown camping spots here in the State that are good for families?)

Fry Sauce is Always a Recipe for Success

Would you like this?

Or this?

What’s the difference you might ask? Well, it’s as simple as this?

Struggling to tell the difference?

If you ask most people who have had the opportunity to taste a burger of any proportion from In ‘N Out Burger (I personally recommend the 3x3 with extra cheese) they will tell you they either love it or hate it. Until recently, I hated it. But I digress. A few years ago a new company moved into American Fork that served a similar menu called Chadders. Set side-by-side, the burgers are nearly identical, but in my opinion, there are one or two little things that make one better than the other. Comparing these pictures of the Utah Jazz’s Mehmet Okur seems unsubstantial; in fact, they were taken only two months apart. The first one is Memo hitting a huge shot in the dwindling minutes of a game against the Lakers just before All-Star Weekend and the second is Memo getting scored on by a short-handed Golden State team in a game we should have easily won.

I’m still struggling to see much difference myself. They are both tasty and delicious and writing this makes me want to drive to West Valley or American Fork and grab another hat trick with double cheese, fries, and a Coke. The differences are so negligible as not be noteworthy. One huge difference in my esteemed opinion is the fry sauce. What? I said fry sauce.

Fry sauce makes everything better. It’s awesome and it makes a world of difference. What goes into fry sauce varies, depending on the maker. I usually prefer a little Miracle Whip (gotta love the zip), BBQ sauce (its tangier than ketchup), some limejuice, and a little pickle juice if available.But the subtle differences between the Jazz of the longest win streak in more than a decade and the one that couldn’t even beat an eight man rotation of a lottery-bound Warriors team are more glaring and obvious. Several that come to mind include defense (or a serious lack of it), a lack cohesiveness stemming from all the injuries, Sloan says they need “nastiness,” and a not-so-apparent lack of commitment to the overall goal. So what is the recipe for getting back to that team that beak Los Angeles barely two months ago? Let’s just call it fry sauce. You mix in a little bit of this and a little bit of that and you’ll have fry sauce. This fry sauce needs some “nastiness.”

What recipe might you suggest for the Jazz’s secret fry sauce?

By the way, I prefer Chadders . . . in case you were wondering.

...And we'll find a way.

This song is dedicated to a special group of people in this world. Right now it seems like there are three types of NBA fans with regards to our beautiful Jazz team. They are the Jazz-Faithful, the Jazz-Undecided and the full blown Jazz-Haters. I, a Jazz-Faithful, am dedicating this song to all the Jazz-Undecided and a few select Jazz-Haters with a soft heart. I extend this song to you with a stretched out hand and an olive branch. I have a dream that all Jazz fans can join hands and say, "Jazz, amidst all the Jazz-Hatred and Booze-Hatred and Sloan-Fairweathering, you do still have fans that love you. We’ll Stick with you baby...and together...we’ll find a way."

It's a commonly accepted principal of the NBA that the playoffs are a different beast than the regular season. Remember the year the Jazz went to the Western Conference finals they limped into the playoffs like a sick puppy, licking it’s wounds. In this desperate time the team needs us more than ever. We'll be faithful to Jazz, through thick and thin, sickness and health for richer or for poorer as long as the Jazz's slump shall live. I guarantee when the rain stops and the sunshine shines on this beautiful team again, you won’t be disappointed. You will be joyous and happy that you stuck it out with a defenseless, and lazy, stagnate, slum of a team. It’s always darkest before the dawn so stick with them baby. They’ll find a way.